Whoever said that being in a relationship is a breeze has probably never been in one. Real-life romances aren’t like the ones you read in books or watch in movies. Instead of a “happy ever after” ending, real-life relationships are littered with everyday conflict brought about by a difference in opinion and upbringing, ho-hum days when nothing seems to go right, in between those magical “movie” moments. That’s the reality, as harsh as it sounds. But what makes everything worth it is the knowledge of having somebody love you for who you are, who encourages you to become a better version of yourself, who inspires you and makes you see that life is truly beautiful, traffic jams and all.
From the theislandnow, there is no problem and issue available in the relationship. There is a better version available for the long-term relationship between men and women. The attraction of more women and men is possible at the dating sites. A happy life is provided to the people.
And as with any relationship — be it between friends, siblings, parent and kid, ad infinitum — problems and arguments will arise. But in a romantic relationship, there are common issues that trouble any couple. Here are some that have been identified and suggested solutions on how to deal with them.
Not Putting Your Partner First
Everybody has been told about the importance of putting their partners, especially spouses, first. Marriage counselors and relationship experts have said that a lot of divorces and separations stem from not prioritizing your spouse once you have kids, or being neglectful of them by spending too much time with your friends.
But it’s not just married couples who face this conundrum. Take the case of Emma and Gary, who are both in their early 30s. They’ve been together for a while now, and the issue of priorities was something that they addressed early on in their relationship. Shares Emma, “We’ve both come from relationships that failed because we preferred the company of others instead of our respective partners. So when we got together, we discussed that right away. And I also think it’s a good thing we went through that ‘matter’ with our exes, or else we wouldn’t be wise enough to spot that now.”
Even though you understand the importance of leading separate lives, being too separate is just a tad, well, too much. If you have problems at work, the first one you ought to tell is your partner — not your mom, not your best friend. After all, is he or she the one you’re returning home to?
Making Your Partner The One (and The Only One)
On the flip side, putting your partner at the center of your universe is not healthy for the relationship (and for both of you) as well. Zoe learned this the hard way. Her boyfriend, Zack, broke up with her because he was starting to feel stifled by her. She had become too clingy, and it was choking him. Thankfully, with the help of her family and friends, Zoe has realized that taking care of herself and leading a well-balanced life (with time allotted for friends, family, and work — not necessarily in that order!) was an essential part in making a relationship work. What’s more, if you value yourself, your partner will value you, too.
Of course, if you treat your partner as the center of your universe, it goes without saying that you will become jealous and insecure, especially if he or she does things without you. Learn to let go a little bit. Loosen the strings and give him the freedom he deserves. After all, you’re not expected to be at his beck and call all the time, and he’s certainly not your slave, so don’t feel guilty about doing stuff on your own.
However, if you are feeling jealous or insecure, ask yourself why. Examine the cause of such unpleasant emotions, and discuss them with your partner on how to deal with it. Take a cue from Jeanne, who is married to Eric and has three kids with him. “I was jealous of his best girl friend, even if he always assured me that he never had any romantic feelings toward her whatsoever,” she says. “But I couldn’t get over it. We kept arguing and arguing until one day, it just dawned on me that I was jealous because I didn’t have a male best friend. Most of my friends were girls, so I really didn’t know how a male-female platonic relationship works. When I realized that, I calmed down. And it’s a good thing that she’s now married, too!” she adds, laughing.
Simply remind yourself from time to time that you are not competing with your partner, and that you are certainly not competing for their time and attention with anyone else — after all, you are the chosen one, so to speak, so what else is there to prove?
Lack of Trust
Normally, feelings of jealousy and insecurity are based on a lack of trust. But trust covers a wide territory: A lack of it can be very dangerous to any relationship. Not trusting that your partner will change, that he or she will make the right decision, or simply that he or she is a competent person can erode the foundation of your relationship. Mary realized that one reason her relationship with Randy didn’t work out was that she never really saw him for the person — and the man — that he is. “I’ve always had a strong personality, and I think that kind of made him less of a man,” she says. “I was always the one making the decisions, bossing him around, and he probably got fed up with that. I’ve learned to tone down now.”
On the other hand, Kim left Jeremy because he was too controlling. “I really felt that he didn’t trust me,” she relates. “I never cheated on him, I even told him everything I was doing and who with! But he was still so jealous all the time that I couldn’t take it anymore.”
Letting Things Become Stale (Or Worse, Not Addressing the Issue at All)
Conflicts are inevitable. But avoiding it, or delaying it, will do more harm than good. You want to keep the peace, fine. You can talk or discuss it calmly, to make the experience as less unpleasant as possible. But avoiding matters will lead to an avalanche of blame later on. So if problems arise, don’t keep them in the back burner or at the end of your mental to-do list. Address them right away, and you get to keep your relationship on track.
Moreover, letting the spark die out can kill a relationship. Even if you’re not the mushy type, you have to let your partner know that he or she is important to you, that he or she is loved. Everybody needs a dose of assurance every now and then, so don’t forget to make your partner feel special once in a while.
Taking Quality Time for Granted
Every couple is unique; the definition of quality time for each couple varies. So even if it’s just a simple matter of watching reruns on TV after a hectic day at work, spending time together still counts. And here’s the thing: Nowadays, relationship experts are singing a different tune when it comes to quality time. According to them, it’s not how you spend it, but how much you spend it. As mentioned previously, prioritizing your partner is essential in making the relationship work, and that’s tantamount to the amount of time you spend with him or her as well.
Bedtime Blues (and This Doesn’t Refer to Insomnia)
Yes, sex can get routine after some time for most couples. Either you’ve got too much on your mind or the initial magic has worn off. That’s normal, but the good news is you can avoid falling into a sexual rut by constantly looking for new bedtime “exercises” to try. And don’t be afraid to communicate your desires and needs in bed. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, and even subtle cues can be misinterpreted. Be vocal and be verbal, and you’ll both be satisfied each time.
Finances are perhaps the most sensitive aspect of any relationship. Money can make or break it. To deal with this trap, here’s a suggestion from successful couples: Have a joint account that both will contribute to regularly and equally, and have separate accounts on top of that. This way, you have financial bonds and financial freedom at the same time — and there’s less chance of fighting over who pays for what come crunch time.