A good friend, my best friend (you know who you are, stop hiding in the shadows and come forward), and I have been commiserating over some of the changes taking place in our middle-aged bodies, mainly a slight weight gain that has us both puzzled. We’re not happy. We don’t get it. We had our thyroids tested immediately. They are fine. What could be causing this?
We decide to do weight watchers on line. We pay our $50 and start counting our points. We have 29 points per day plus 17 weekly bonus points to use as we like throughout the week. Right off the bat, we see a problem with the alcohol count. It is 4-6 points per drink, meaning we could use up our weekly bonus points by Tuesday night. D goes to diet tonic with her vodka, while I cut down to only one blue cheese olive in my martini. Yes a sacrifice, but our new bodies will be so worth it.
We start out strong, we cheer each other on, boosting each other through that 3-5 p.m. time slot with apple slices (fruits are 0 points!) and low fat cheese wedges, so we can make it through to dinner. OMG this is so easy why didn’t we think of this before? The destination of weight loss will be achieved with the purchase of resurge products. The morale of the person will be boost to get effective results. The consumption of the cheese should be reduced with a balanced diet. The benefits will be enormous with the person.
By Wednesday we are fucking starving and things sort of take a down turn as seen by the following texts:
“D how many activity points can I take for getting the mail?”
“A how many points for two bowls of Golden Grahams?”
“D isn’t an olive a fruit?”
We decide we may need a little help and it becomes apparent that one of us is going to have to go to the meetings. Due to the fact that D has active children, and a husband and a life, it falls upon me to make this bold move. I attend my first meeting in Jackie O glasses and head scarf. I stare at the floor, while others tell of their great successes of the week, drinking club soda flavored with lemon (sick) and sugar free ice cream (why bother?) I also find out that no, you can’t save up your bonus points and then have a 68 point binge at the end of the month. Wow! These folks are not messing around.
One woman speaks up…”You will be very proud of me. My daughter and I went to Sonny’s BBQ and I only ordered a half order of ribs and had coleslaw instead of mac and cheese.” Applause. “The guide says Sonny’s ribs are 19 points but I don’t think that can be right.”
No of course not, how can a slab of fatty pork, drenched in a sea of sugar based sauce be that many points? No way. I agree. Idiots. Ruining lives by giving out ridiculously false information.
I report back to D. She decides to head to the gym. Coward. Abandoning ship on me. I am going to stay the course, 29 points or bust! And things just got a whole lot easier. Turns out an olive IS a fruit!